“Can you tell people that you’re from Hustler?” Ali G asks me. “Or The Source. Or Guns & Ammo. Speaking to a Guardian journalist ain’t a good look for me in the hood.”

At Ali’s request, we are meeting in an independent chicken shop in Staines because – due to some sort of mix-up – he thought the one interview he had agreed to for his new film was Chicken Shop Date, which was “90% likely to lead to boning”. He follows this with an entirely unprintable reminiscence about the first time he and “me Julie” had sex in the disabled toilets of Egham KFC.

Now that we have established I am not in fact Amelia Dimoldenberg – and that any boning today will be strictly chicken-related – Ali changes tack. Whenever anyone comes near our table, he loudly explains, to my embarrassment, that we are actually conducting a major drug deal. Having seemingly worked his way through the entire menu, he starts asking what else he would need to buy to get the bill up to £500, after discovering that the Guardian is footing it.

It is, in other words, reassuringly easy to tell that not everything about Ali G has changed, even though a lot has happened in the “20 decades” (he means 24 years) since he was last on the big screen in Ali G Indahouse. In that time, the UK has had nine prime ministers, survived a global pandemic and seen the rise of #MeToo and Black Lives Matter. Or, as Ali puts it rather more succinctly in the trailer: “The world went to crap: there was Covid, wars and Ed Sheeran”.

Back in da house … Ali G. Photograph: Antonio Olmos/The Guardian

Now he’s back in Ali G: Who Iz I? – and, inevitably, not everybody is delighted. The trailer alone has prompted accusations that the fake dreadlocks, Rastafarian imagery and faux-Jamaican persona now look less like satire and more like an outdated racial caricature. Which is how, 24 years after Ali G first took his home town of Staines global, I find myself sitting opposite him in his old manor, trying to work out whether the UK is ready to show him some respect again.

Parked outside is the same yellow Renault 5 I remember from Indahouse, now with a homemade Uber sign stuck in the windscreen. Around his neck hangs a diamond teddy bear clutching two sacks of money. It “used to be part of the crown jewels and was worn by the queen, RIP. A bloke who worked as a dog washer at Windsor palace nicked it and then came into the Crooked Billet pub in Iver Heath, where me bought it off him for 20K when me was rich,” he claims.

More bafflingly, he is wearing four watches. “Dem are for different time zones – dis one is Staines, dis one is Egham, dis one iz Langley Village and dis one iz Scrotland.” There is plenty more to take in, but I should probably attempt to conduct the interview I actually came here for.

So how should I address you – Ali, Ali G or Mr G?
Me iz known by me mates as “De G”, “G-Dog” and “De Ali-torney G-eneral” … and by Staines Benefits Office as Richard Watkins, Kelvin Matthews and Priyanka Patel.

And what happened to the dreads?
Me ain’t never had dreads. Me wears the Rasta bonnet because – and me iz trusting you to keep dis secret – dat’s where me keeps me stash, the ganja. Perfect place because the cops ain’t allowed to look under it for religious reasons, innit.

We find out in the trailer that you’re about to become a dad. How are you preparing? Are you and your Julie going to NCT classes?
Me has actually already become a daddy, something dat for the last 40 years me has prepared for five times every day. Me usually just prepared with me Julie, although one time we also prepared with Cheryl from Abrakebabra in dis marble Jacuzzi me bought off eBay, which tragically didn’t end well. Me put it upstairs at Nan’s house, when me filled it with water and the three of us got in, it was too heavy and broke through the floor and landed on me Nan, who was sitting in the room downstairs. Luckily it killed her instantly, completely squashed her. She died happy because just one week before, me had bought her a new pair of double-F swingaz for her 88th birthday. The weight of the Jacuzzi caused them to literally explode; one of her nipples was found three streets away. Anyway, when one life ends, another one starts, and me iz loving being a dad.

Who’s the daddy? … Ali G in a still from his new film, with Morgana Robinson as his Julie. Photograph: Amazon MGM Studios

What sort of dad are you?
There have been some discipline issues. No matter how many times me tells the baby, “Hands off, dem iz mine!”, him keeps trying to grab me Julie’s swingaz. But there you go – like his dad, he iz a boobs man, innit. Me loves him and he iz well brainy, at six months old him can already read audiobooks.

Staines officially became Staines-upon-Thames in 2012, partly to improve the town’s image after years of association with you – but now there’s a petition calling for a statue of you in the town. Do you feel vindicated? And if they build it, would you pose for it – perhaps naked, like Michelangelo’s David?
Firstly, it ain’t because of me they changed the name of Staines. It’s because in 2012 the River Thames started flowing through the town, so they added it to the name, innit. Thirdly, me iz well proud dat they want to put a statute of me in the middle of Staines. Me Julie says the only difference between dat and the real thing iz dat the statute won’t be selling ganja – they’ll both be hanging around the town centre doing nothing, ha ha ha! Unfortunately, as well as loads of people wanting the statute, there are also loads of people who don’t, because of racialism. Me ain’t gonna let them win and iz willing to pay out of me Julie’s pocket for an Ali G erection in the middle of Staines.

I’m with stupid … Ali G meets Donald Trump. Photograph: Channel 4

This is your first film in 24 years. Why come back now? Did the world need Ali G, or did Ali G need the world?
Dis ain’t actually me first film in 24 years. Me has also made about 300 others with me Julie and iz hoping Amazon will buy them off me and put them in the “members only” part of their site. But to answer your question, the world needed me. Dis movie will be the most important release since the Jeffrey Einstein files, and me made it to increase the peace, bring both sides together and hopefully prevent world war two from ever happening. It has also got more boning in it than the Einstein files – all of it legal – and because me iz now woke, me also included a nude man’s battyhole to keep the LGBLT community happy.

The Guardian has already been arguing about whether you should have come back at all. Arwa Mahdawi wrote “Ali G is back. I really wish he wasn’t”, while Jason Okundaye argued that Britain – and the joke – have changed. Jacob Rees-Mogg, meanwhile, has defended you on his Instagram, describing you as “clever, satiric humour that makes the country look faintly foolish. And that’s no bad thing.” So who understands Ali G better in 2026: the Guardian or Jacob Rees-Mogg?
Me ain’t never heard of any of those people, but from their names it seems to me dat Jacob Rees-Mogg iz the only person of colour, so him supporting me iz all dat matters. There are always gonna be haterz, innit. Me ain’t the first intellectual to get dat – it happened to Jesus, it happened to Gandhi, it even happened to Brooklyn Beckham. For the good of humanoidkind, me has just got to keep speaking out. People shutting me down ain’t nothing new. In fact, me was cancelled just two years ago by Staines Benefits Office for pretending to be a disabled Albanian woman with seven children. Me just bounced right back with a new name. Don’t never let the authorities oppress you, innit.

You’ve come back to a world full of influencers, pranksters, podcasters and people asking strangers stupid questions on TikTok. Do you feel like everyone’s basically nicked your act?
For real, loads of people have been copying me, especially the way me looks and talks – which makes them cultural appropriators and dat iz well out of order. It makes me well sad how fick the world has become since me was on telly doing interviews 20 decades ago – most reporters now can’t even correctly spell the word “jourmalist”, let alone ask brainy questions like you and me does do, innit.

You’ve spent your career interviewing politicians, experts and other important people. Who would you most like to interview now?
Me has always dreamed big, both in me personal life – for example, last night me imagined doing it with Sydney Sweeney; dat iz a woman, by the way, in case you ain’t heard of her. Me ain’t got nothing against homosapiens, me just ain’t one of them – and also in me professional life. Check dis: me wants to do the biggest interview ever – to go up to heaven and have a chat with none other than God himself. Me’d have a look around heaven – iz it any good, or iz it well boring, just a load of old blokes sitting around playing harps? Then me’d have a puff with God and ask him the tough questions: why does him allow terrible things to happen to the Earth, like wars, diseases and Coldplay? Also, while me was up there, me’d check in on me Nan, see if she’s doing all right and if she can still remember the Netflix password for our house.

Who is the stupidest person you’ve ever interviewed?
The most fickest person me ever spoke to was Domald Trump. How him ever became America’s prime minister me will never know. Also, how did him get to marry all them really fit women – first Ivanka, then Stormy Daniels and now dat one who looks like a Transformer, Melania?

By now Ali has eaten an alarming amount of chicken. I’ve laughed far more than I expected to – including a few times when I probably shouldn’t. He is still crude, badly informed and completely inappropriate. But that was always the trick: every so often, the stupidest person in the room accidentally asks the smartest question. Before we go our separate ways, there’s just one question I need to ask. Does he think I’ve got what it takes to join the West Staines Massiv? Is there some kind of initiation process?

“Me’ll have to check with the rest of me posse first – his name iz Dangerous Dave,” says Ali. “Me’ll ask him when he finishes work at HSBC at 5pm.”

Ali G: Who Iz I? is in cinemas from 23 October.