Key events

3rd over: Pakistan 3-1 (Imam 0, Masood 3)

Masood smiles after being beaten by another majestic delivery from Robinson, whose movement and control make him almost unplayable in conditions like these. Very good so far from England, who have been disciplined but also aggressive with their length in particular.

2nd over: Pakistan 2-1 (Imam 0, Masood 2)

Jofra Archer starts with a maiden, including a sharp delivery that Imam-ul-Haq edges just short of third slip. These are horrible conditions for Pakistan, especially as Robinson and Archer are so good to left-handers.

I forgot to say that Joe Root is fielding at mid-off, so the slip cordon is Duckett, Brook and, I think, Jordan Cox.

“Genius and all that, but Robinson could have ironed his shirt,” says Mark Hooper. “He must have known he was going to be on the big screen a lot this morning.”

Alright Lord Maclaurin!

1st over: Pakistan 2-1 (Imam 0, Masood 2) That was Ollie Robinson’s 500th first-class wicket; they’ve come at an average of 21.57.

Another left-hander, Shan Masood, nods respectfully after playing and a missing at a jaffa. That delivery went the other way off the seam. Robinson is bowling 80mph leg-spin – and he has a doosra.

“Hi Rob,” writes John Starbuck. “In the same spirit as naming Bazball before it actually happened, I suggest we use the term Flemingo cricket from this autumn onwards.”

Bring back KP!

WICKET! Pakistan 0-1 (Azan b Robinson 0)

It’s out!! Ollie Robinson started the summer with a triple-wicket maiden; now he’s struck first ball on his return after injury. His skill level is off the charts.

Azan Awais, Pakistan’s young opener, didn’t do a huge amount wrong – it was a brilliant delivery, the antonym of the loosener.

Ollie Robinson of England successfully appeals for the wicket of Azan Awais of Pakistan. Photograph: Gareth Copley/Getty Images

It was a classic Robionson delivery to the left-hander: round the wicket, full and snaking back off the seam to beat the inside edge and hit the pad. But it might just have been outside the line.

REVIEW! Pakistan 0-1 (Azan LBW b Robinson 0)

DRS permitting, Ollie Robinson has struck first ball!

“For men raised beneath the fierce sun of Lahore and Multan, these are hostile conditions,” writes Zain Malik. “The cold gets into the fingers. Clouds gather. Drizzle becomes rain, and rain becomes an inspection. Cricket is played in brief intervals between consultations with the sky.

“Pakistan return after six years; England return under Joe Root to something they thought they had left behind. One side has spent years reinventing itself, the other is deciding how much of its recent reinvention to keep.”

In rankings terms, this is 7th v 8th. How the mighty England have fallen; they were sniffing top spot a year ago.

Warm applause as Joe Root leads England out at the start of his second spell as permanent captain. Are there any precedents for this, an experienced former captain returning to the job on a permanent basis years later? Bob Simpson is the name sitting at the top of my head. I guess Mike Brearley qualifies, though his situation was unique.

Last Friday was a glorious anniversary for Pakistani cricket, 10 years on from a 10-wicket win against England at the Oval. Younis Khan, their greatest run-scorer, hit a double hundred. Yasir Shah, a magical leggie and Lionel Messi lookalike, took a five-fer. Misbah-ul-Haq, their 42-year-old captain, led his men on a victory lap in south London and would have the ultimate reward a few days later. His side, unable to play at home since 2009 because of an attack on Sri Lanka’s team bus, moved up to No 1 in the Test rankings for the first time.

There is a link to that golden period on their current tour of England. Sarfaraz Ahmed, their wicketkeeper back then, is now the Test head coach, but these are much darker times for the national team. Sarfaraz’s presence underlines the obscene volatility within Pakistani cricket, a never‑ending search for new answers while results inevitably suffer. The number of head coaches/team directors Pakistan have had across formats since 2021 is into double figures, and there’s really no point trying to count how many selectors have had a go. Like Joe Root, Babar Azam is back for his second stint as Test captain, having replaced Shan Masood before last month’s tour of the Caribbean.

Statgasm time, folks. Of the 43 men to average 50 or more in Test cricket over a sustained period of time (min 20 innings), only two have a strike-rate of over 65.

• 86.82 Harry Brook

• 70.19 Viv Richards

If only England produced such exciting players.

“If England are after a template for this most recent of resets, might they set their focus a little wider than usual and look to Bangladesh?” wonders Tom Hopkins. “Their win in Australia is being talked about as one of the great shocks, and of course it is, but in another sense it wasn’t like most upsets at all.

“There was no freak session, no single titanic performance, no randomness produced by the pitch. They just got off to a strong start and then continued to turn the screw in every single session from then on. Isn’t that how grown-up, professional sides go about winning Test matches?”

I think it’s a bit more nuanced than that; that you need different approaches for different situatioons. But I entireheartedly agree that the most clinical England team of my lifetime, Andy Flower’s 2010-11 side, would have been extremely proud of that Bangladesh performance.

It reminded me a lot of England’s win at Jamaica in 1989-90 – it was earthshaking but also quietly emphatic, and it was the result of an approach that was maybe four parts discipline, one part flair.

The history of Test cricket between England and Pakistan stretches back to 1954 and has been a vibrant one over the years. Yet, for all the memorable battles, plus the cultural ties between the two countries and a fair bit of scandal along the way, a trophy that denotes the rivalry is still to be created.

England lost the Crowe-Thorpe trophy to New Zealand this summer, will look to retain the Basil D’Oliveira trophy in South Africa this winter, and hope they can win back the Ashes next year. Trophies for encounters with India and West Indies go back so far they have been retired and replaced by new ones in recent times.

But aside from the Benaud‑Qadir trophy, inaugurated when Australia visited in 2022, Test series involving Pakistan simply have whatever cup the sponsor at the time commissions. When England were last in Pakistan, for example, they watched their hosts lift the Bank Alfalah presents Kingdom Valley trophy.

Until something more meaningful is devised, perhaps the series should be known as “El Dysfunctiono”. Admittedly it sounds like something Pelé raised awareness about back in the day. But given the two teams involved – both capable of self‑sabotage that drives supporters up the wall – it kind of works. That it gets under way at Headingley, home to English cricket’s most volatile county, is also fitting.

“Morning, Rob,” says Richard O’Hagan. “I don’t know if you were aware, but Darren Stevens is now captain of England Over-40s. Finally getting the international recognition many thought he deserved at a younger age.

“Admittedly it probably isn’t as impressive as Nigel Martyn being the wicketkeeper for England Over-60s, but it’s still an achievement.”

In less exciting news, I’ve been training with Whitstable FC’s over-60s football team. I was asked the other day whether I might be interested in playing for the actual team. I sadly pointed out that, though I look 97, I won’t be eligible for another decade.

In other news, whoever invented walking sport should be knighted. Opta and CricViz don’t keep such data, but I’d bet that person has saved thousands of lives.

Team news

England’s team is as expected, with four quality right-arm seamers – it’s a more varied attack than that suggests – and the occasional spin of Dan Lawrence.

Babar Azam is out with a finger injury, so Salman Ali Agha will captain Pakistan. Saud Shakeel comes into the middle order.

England Duckett, Gay, Cox, Root (c), Brook, Lawrence, Smith (wk), Robinson, Atkinson, Archer, Tongue.

Pakistan Awais, Imam-ul-Haq, Masood, Shafique, Shakeel, Rizwan (wk), Ali Agha, Usman, Shahzad, Ali, Abbas.

England win the toss and bowl

Ollie Robinson’s lips will not be dry at the prospect.

Heatwave my arse! It’s a brisk 18 degrees at Headingley, with a chance of showers later in the day. We should stress this is a meteorological term, not a comment on England being a shower of the absolute variety.

Preamble

And now for something completely different. A new era starts at Headingley today, one in which England will play sober, wiser cricket. Some will say this is all tish and fipsy, that Joe Root and Stephen Fleming’s England won’t be that different to Ben Stokes and Brendon McCullum’s team. They’d be right, but a) John Cleese never uttered the phrase “and now for something partially different” and b) the branding and image of Root’s team, the thing that really matters in modern life, will be completely different.

Bazball was christened before it had even been born; Cricinfo’s Andrew Miller intuitively sensed what was about to happen and coined the phrase a few days before England’s first Test against New Zealand four years ago. No equivalent sobriquet has been forthcoming this time, and not only because Flemball sounds like an issue for your friendly local pharmacist rather than the cricket cognoscenti.

Fleming doesn’t officially start as coach until the winter, so Root and Marcus Trescothick will be in charge for the three-match series against Pakistan. On paper it’s the softest of landings against arguably the weakest Pakistan side in decades. That team still managed to beat England in 2024-25, aided by some fine spin bowling and a few industrial-strength heaters, but their away form puts the LL in appalling. A win in Trinidad earlier this month ended a run of eight straight defeats.

Pakistan can still trouble England, particularly when Mohammad Ali and the peerless Mohammad Abbas are wobbling the ball at 77mph with the keeper up to the stumps. (As regular readers will know, the OBO loves Rob Key, but the poor guy’s life has turned into a horror film called Night of the Living Dobbers, in which he is barricaded in a farmhouse surrounded by zombiefied incarnations of Michael Neser, Matt Henry, Scott Boland, Nathan Smith and, most terrifyingly of all, Darren Stevens.)

Abbas and Ali should induce at least one middle-order shemozzle over the next few weeks. Even so, it’ll be a surprise if England don’t win this series 3-0 and a major shock if they don’t win it at all.

The fixture list gets bloody difficult after this - South Africa away, Bangladesh away and at home, Australia away and at home, India away – so England could do with a nice, quiet, peaceful series. The sort they always have against Pakistan.